to what? english. i've always had a passion for writing. and reading. so i figured, why not? i haven't gotten too far in school to switch. its now or never. i choose now.
i've gotten a lot of different reactions to it (seriously, there was a little debate on facebook between two friends, my mom, my beehive leader and myself) but my mind is made up (for now, at least). i've been thinking a lot about it lately and i really don't want to do nursing. i was looking for the easy way out when i chose that (shorter time in school, job security, good pay) but its not what i really want to do. i know some people think i'm crazy. did you see those things i just listed? who wouldn't want a career with those as elements? well, me.
ever since pres. monson's talk finding joy in the journey, that is all i've thought about. i've never been one to live in the now. it was always future or past, but never the present. i'm not spontaneous. i think through every decision i make, very thoroughly. i make little pro/con lists in my head and debate with myself. i fear the unknown. i have to have some sort of a plan or i stress. even if i don't stick to it, a plan of some sort is a necessity. i've never been an optimist (someone actually told me the other day that i am cynical... but i prefer to call it being realistic ;) ) and i'm sort of a paranoid person. i assume the worst in anyone and anything so that just in case i'm right, it will be less of a shock. less disappointing. i told my dad that once and he told me that was a sad way to live. i didn't agree with him before, but i do now.
i've learned a lot this year. remember my dreamer post? that list keeps getting bigger! some are serious, some are silly, but i'm serious about all of them. they say the first step in accomplishing a goal is writing it down. check. right after i wrote that post, i thought of so many other things i could have added. such as lines like, "don't let your dreams be dreams" (jack johnson) and "i'd rather sleep my whole life away then have you keep me from dreaming" (sara bareilles). oh well. maybe i'll do another one someday.
so what does me changing my major have to do with all of this?
for the first time in my life, i don't have a plan. an english major gives a lot of options and not a lot of job security. i don't know what i'm going to do exactly, but i'm going to do something. living the dream, baby! ha ha ha :)
and if i fail? well, then i fail. but i gave it a shot. (the format)