maybe. (probably) (but really)

maybe i have a really strong urge to get out of arizona and i get a little depressed when i realize i can't.

maybe it's still my lifelong dream to meet jc chasez.

maybe i wish jim halpert was a real person so i could marry him.

maybe i'm addicted to ruffles baked cheddar and sour cream chips and dr. pepper. and maybe that's how i make it through the tax season days sometimes.

maybe i wish i wore glasses.

maybe one of the things i'm worried about with tax season + full time school is that i won't have time to watch all of my tv shows. and maybe that makes me shallow and maybe i don't care.

maybe my room is a wreck and since i don't know where to start i just don't clean it.

maybe i want to start documenting my life with lots and lots of pictures.

maybe i think the reason my spanish teacher is awful at explaining things is because said teacher is a man.

maybe a hole ripped in the crotch of my favorite jeans and maybe i'm going to wear them anyway.

even as the world outside is spinning.

my grammy suffers from alzheimer's disease. she's only 73. she wasn't officially diagnosed until 2007, but i believe it started long before that. between october of 2000 and april of 2002, her son and both of her parents passed away. i think that's when it really started.

every day it gets worse. first she didn't know any of her grandchildren. then she didn't recognize any of her own children. now she sometimes doesn't remember who my granddad is.

some days are better than others. one day she was cold and when we gave her a blanket, she knew that her mom had made it. then another time she walked into a room, looked straight at my granddad and said, "where's frank?"

if you had asked her the day before he died, i don't think she could have told you who the prophet was. but when President Hinckley passed away and she was told about it, her humble response was "oh no" because she understood what that meant.

in december, my grandparents went to the christmas concert my stake puts on every year. for the song "I Believe in Christ" the congregation and choir sang the first verse, and then only the choir continued on. after the congregation stopped singing and it was just the choir, i leaned over to look at my grammy. she was singing with the choir. my grammy, who doesn't know who i am, remembered and sang the words to "I Believe in Christ."

in Doctrine & Covenants 1:39 it says "For behold, and lo, the Lord is God, and the Spirit beareth record, and the record is true, and the truth abideth forever and ever."

i guess my point in all this is there are things that matter, things that matter less, and things that really don't matter at all. she may not always remember it, but my sweet grandmother believes in Christ- because the the truth abides forever. she has no idea what it meant to me to watch her sing that song, but i'm thankful i was there to see it. and i'm thankful that even though she doesn't know she's doing it, she is still teaching by example.

the fam at their 50th wedding anniversary party, Nov 2008.
(missing Elliott, Lindsay, Lena & Jayden)

you remember me forever!

dear 2009,
cardinals playoff game + pinedale weekend + snowboarding for the first time + meeting the phoenix suns + disneyland/hollywood/six flags + golden birthday (19 on the 19th) + the vegas + AAR show + san diego + americon idol concert + changing major + buying my own car + provo + buying my own bedroom furniture + emily's wedding + provo again + emily's baby + shannon's wedding + boston + dane cook + countless girls nights = a successful (and expensive!) year.

dear tax season + full time school,
bring it. (and then watch me eat those words)

dear boston,
i miss you. but i'll be back to continue our love affair (just not in the winter).

dear every day between now and april 29th,
hurry, hurry, hurry. the faster you go by, the faster i get my boyfriend back.

dear drivers on lindsay road,
the speed limit is 45, not 35. thanks.

dear new years resolutions i've already broken,
sorry, but waking up the first time my alarm goes off and eating healthy just doesn't work for me. i pretty much gave up all hope when i was late to work because i woke up 20 minutes before i had to leave and then decided to stop at walgreens for snacks. we'll try again next year.

dear mom and dad,
remember how we haven't taken a vacation with the whole family since washington d.c. in 2005? i'm thinking san francisco. ready, set, go!

dear answering machines,
i think the explanations on how to leave a message are unnecessary. it's 2010. we know how it works.

dear self,
exercise, exercise, exercise, exercise. seriously. do it.

dear 2010,
i'm ready for all you've got in store. i think.

have you ever played halo? have you ever taken the boston trolley tour?

i said goodbye to 2009 and hello to 2010 in none other than boston (aka bahstun), MA. kelly called me monday afternoon and asked how i felt about going and i couldn't say yes fast enough. so she, cameron (her boyfriend), lindsay and i left early wednesday morning to begin our fabulous trip.

wednesday night we decided to go to the original cheers! (where everybody knows your name :)) the food was pretty good and it was just kind of a cool atmosphere. it was funny though because when we walked in to get a table, they asked how many and whatnot and then asked if we would be drinking. when we said no, they sent us to the back room (which still had a bar in it so i didn't really understand the point in that).

on new years eve we went to see dane cook!! kelly and cameron had 2nd row but lins and i were up a little bit. it was SO good and he was, of course, hilarious! boston is his home town so that kind of made it more fun. (and p.s. the post title is a line from one of his jokes, and then our own little spin on it).

mr. cook himself.
lindsay, me, kelly, cameron after the show. (that whole arena was completely filled, by the way. pretty impressive for a comedian. and it's like that wherever he goes.)

the days were spent doing random things around the city. i LOVED every second, even the snow (and for anyone that knows me well enough knows how much i absolutely despise snow and being cold). the buildings were so cute. even the subway was a fun little adventure.i'm officially in love with the east coast. and now, i want to go back.